What is codependency? 

You can find many definitions of codependency, but basically, codependency is losing yourself in the life/lives of another person or persons (typically the alcoholic/substance abuser).  Your own identity disappears.  

   

 

The following are just a few of the many identifying signs of codependent behavior.  Do any of these sound familiar?

 

• Doing for others, things they are capable of, and should be doing for themselves.
• Neglecting your own needs while attempting to rescue others from the consequences of their irresponsible behavior
• Doing thoughtful things for others (things they may not want you to be doing) without asking them first.
• Making excuses for someone else’s irresponsible behavior.
• Setting boundaries and not sticking to them.
• Giving money that is unearned and underserved.
• Making excuses for …… helping to justify another’s behavior.
• Keeping secrets about the behavior of another in order to keep peace in the home.
• Repeatedly bailing someone out of trouble by doing things such as paying debts, lawyer bills, traffic tickets, court fines, auto repairs, impound fees, etc.   

 

Many on this list appear to be things one would normally do for another out of love and concern.  Most often, the person doing them is doing them to satisfy their own needs, not realizing the extent of damage they them self are contributing to.  Codependent behavior prolongs the suffering of everyone involved.  

 

There is nothing wrong with helping someone suffering in the midst of their disease, but to actually help without causing additional damage, one must learn how to do it properly.  Setting healthy boundaries and adhering to them is absolutely necessary.  Understanding addiction, addictive behavior, and the addict will help in the decision making.  There is a fine line between helping and hurting someone living in active addiction, and it is fatally important to understand where to draw it.

 

Exercising tough love is never easy, especially with someone you truly love, but history has proven it saves lives.

 

Learning how and when to "let go and let God" is the key to a codependent's freedom.  This is how peace is experienced in the midst of insanity.  

 

Are you struggling with a loved one?  Call today for an appointment with one of our counselors specializing in codependent behavior.

 

 

Click here to view some Attributes of Codependency

 

Click here to request answers to your personal questions