Perspectives & Points of View: Alcoholics, Addicts & Doors
by Robert Bueapre, CDAAC, MMin.

 After managing hundreds of residents in sober living environments, and seeing thousands of others, the alcoholic in me has drawn a few conclusions. Just a few, mind you- it seems new experiences happen daily in this field.

One almost humorous thing I've noticed that we have very much in common is our skill or attitude with doors. Also proven is that our "door handling skill" seems to increase with our increase in clean and sober days. Sadly, I have seen that those who never learn these skills have a far lower chance of good recovery. I even tend to view a person's seriousness about recovery equated to their "door handling technique".

So why door skills? The door is something we need to open in order to get something we want or to go someplace we want to go. It seems that when we are in addiction (or are new in recovery), we are in the mode of "getting what I want when I want it" . We seek to push open the door to have a compulsive need met. One might call this the "ego" side of the door. It represents self needs. In early recovery, we have become skillful at pushing through doors to meet our own needs.  In fact, we may not even know another purpose for a door but that. But there lies the problem. Our door skills will need to be changed because we must realize that this selfish way of living has caused us to run through doors for all the wrong reasons.

Conversely, the other side of the door may be called the "respect" side. As it is closed, one might be concerned with noise that others would have to endure. But "slam goes the door,"  without concern for its effect on the people or the room. If special circumstances beyond our control are present, we seem to have special permission to act even more without regard for others. Lateness for an appointment gives us a special license to slam that door. Those hydraulic hinges make it the door's fault (certainly not our responsibility!). But the point is that slamming doors has consequences. It's not just about "my need right now." It could hurt someone's ears. The door itself can even be damaged.  I've seen windows rattle, important papers blow away and pictures on the wall move. All because of the abrupt closing of the door. And can't we just admit that slamming doors is just plain rude and disrespectful? 

In recovery, doors take on new meanings, because a new world opens up that isn't just about "me." This will certainly mean our  "door handling skills" will need to change! In recovery, we learn to respect others. We aren't slamming doors in faces, but gently clicking them shut.  Instead, we should be slamming doors on those unwanted places, like drugs, alcohol and gambling. 

In order for us to change,  the new doors we will be asked to open may seem frightning. We will be asked to open door that will force us to confront our character defects, and the many ways we have hurt people in our life. We will open doors to make amends and seek forgiveness. See, when we were consumed by chasing our drug of choice, we had little time to develop correct character traits. So looking at this area in our lives at first might not feel good. Instead of compusively rushing through this door, we find ourselves timid and barely able to make it through.  Yes, the doors that show us truth are always scary.

Door handling skills is also a metaphor for a person's strategy for recovery. Some will battle on the lower levels of the mind, constantly mentally discussing issues, changing their mind, wrestling with emotions and action. Should I slam this door or not? Is it bad behavior? Can't I just have "one?" 

But if the right door handling skills are taken, opening doors may mean finding a higher brain function, including a biblical value system, belief system or moral code. This higher leap has an added benefit. Imagine how many billions of brain cells are now free to work on more important matters. But even more important, Jesus said love your brother. Once that change happens, all the lower emotions and actions will naturally follow that path. It becomes impossible to slam a door because it would not be right to do that to your brother. In fact, it would no longer even be a decision that would need to be made because it would not be an option when we have developed skills like "consideration" and "respect".

I would encourage everyone to watch for slamming doors. That means someone needs some gentle help quick! But for yourself, keep walking through new doors - exciting doors of opportunity, doors that lead to true recovery and a renewed purpose of life. Walk into that meeting tonight. Go through the doors of the church. And most important, remember the ultimate door we walk though, the door of true life. Jesus said  "Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me." (Rev 3:20). 

Check your door handling skills. You might be surprised at what you can learn.

Robert Beaupre is the facility manager and a teacher and counselor at New Life Spirit Recovery